4dpo – Thoughts
Today, I am 4dpo (days past ovulation). Like last month, I think I will quit temping in order to remain calm & not overthink things. I tend to overanalyze my chart, compare it to previous charts, compare it to other people’s charts… you get the idea. I have enough things going on that I don’t want to obsess about something as silly as my temperature. (MOVING for example!)
When TTC back in 2009-2010, I never temped. I used opk’s and that was it. Technically I suppose you could say that temping hasn’t been beneficial or got me anywhere since I haven’t got pregnant once since starting. Some women say BFN’s make them sad or depressed, seeing them over & over again each month. For me, its a bad chart. It’s seeing that temperature & symptoms start to go away around 9dpo each & every month. By that point, seeing the BFN has little effect on me. But that day when my boobs stop hurting kills me, because I know the inevitable outcome, regardless of what the pee stick tells me.
I want to go into my RE appointment (which is Wednesday) with a calm, open mind. This is a huge step for me & I can admit I am scared. I’m scared of what they will or will not find. I’m scared of answers I really don’t want to have. Equally as scared of no explanations as to why it seems I am the only one of my friends who is still trying to have a baby.
On a happy note, I’m really enjoying Will & Grace reruns this morning. Way better than the Olympics. blasphemy!