Daily Blessings

Throughout this fertility journey, no matter how much life has thrown at me, I will remember my blessings & affirmations each day.

Archive for the month “October, 2012”

Scatterbrained…

I have a bunch of scattered thoughts that I’m not sure amount to a any specific blog topic. But I just wanted to share a little of what is going on, especially since I haven’t written in awhile.

I can’t say for sure what CD (cycle day) I’m on. The HSG + femara cycle threw my body for a loop & I haven’t had a true period since. What I do know is that I’m glad to be off birth control! Let’s take a step back…

After I had my HSG, bloodwork, husband’s tests, etc. I had my follow-up with my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) to discuss his game plan for us. After discussing everything, he suggested a timed intercourse cycle with Bravelle & Menopur. I think “timed intercourse” is a silly phrase. I was just thrilled IUI or IVF wasn’t mentioned right off the bat. Although there wasn’t a real reason it would be, I was still nervous.

So the very same day, I was instructed to start my first birth control pill. THIS was not something I had planned on. Ever. Because of my past issues with lupus, autoimmune issues, clotting disorders, estrogen was always said to be a big no-no. What was this doctor thinking prescribing me birth control pills!?? The nurse said it was a low dose & I would only be on them for 3 weeks. They needed to make sure that when the time was right, they can control over my ovulation. They didn’t want me ovulating on my own, too early, etc. I was going to be monitored (ultrasounds + estradiol levels) basically every other day once I started my stims. I reluctantly agreed to the bcp’s because I DID see the big picture.

I encountered some resistence from my friends & husband when I told them about the protocol, understandably. I explained to one friend that nothing worth having comes easy. And TTC and all it involves is not always 100% comfortable. Things don’t always go as we have planned. So this was just a small step towards our miracle.

And it was a small step! I ended the birth control a few days ago. Other than a little nausea & some crazy sore boobs near the end, it was easy. Of course, hormones & emotions have been flying too… But that’s all part of the deal ūüôā

On Friday, I have my visit to the Doc to get my baseline ultrasound, bloodwork, instructions on how to use my medicines & I start my injections (hopefully). I’ll also start my Lovenox on the same day.

In the middle of all of this, I had a birthday. It seemed to come & go mysteriously, leaving me at the ripe age of 31. Saying I am 31 is bizarre & feels foreign still. I don’t feel any different but know I am officially in my “thirties” now. Again, this is very strange. I’m happy to have made it this far & learned as much as I have. I’ve been through a lot of struggles which have made me a better person. A better 31 year old woman.

Today, I have an acupuncture appointment to get my “zen on.” I am also looking forward to some goodies coming in the mail ūüôā (a birthday present from a sweet friend, some items for my craft business, and some items for future baby) You have to look for the little blessings in life, every day. They’re not always going to be these huge, life changing miracles. I’ll be waiting for that type of blessing in 10 months.

Til next time…

Advertisements

The Childless Couple on the Block

This is a blog I’ve wanted to write for about 2 months now. I’m especially¬†inspired to write it when I walk my dog…

We moved 2 1/2 months ago now. I found out I was pregnant on the day we moved in actually, which you all know ended in an early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy actually). The first week we arrived, I had 2 friendly neighbors approach me with hellos & immediately ask if we have kids. When I sadly hesitated and said no, they spouted off a bit about “waiting,” and “kids drain your energy” and “we’re smart to not be in a rush.” The typical rhetoric a 30-something, childless married woman gets on what seems like a daily basis.

As I started getting into a groove at the new house & walking the dog, it became evident pretty quickly that we were the childless couple on the block. Our homes are duplexes (two attached homes) in my community and yard after yard I saw children’s toys, play houses, sandboxes. House after house. This is something I think about everyday I walk my dog. I just look into people’s yards… little fenced yards all in a¬† row, all the same. Houses all the same. With the one exception that our home has a clothesline, grill & no children playing.

I don’t know if we’ll ever have children in our yard.¬† Dealing with that reality each day can be difficult. It can be sorrowful or depressing at times. Anyone¬†trying to¬†have a baby¬†understands the pain & hopelessness that can be associated with it, especially if it is over a few years timespan. For my neighbors’ sake, I hope this isn’t something they ever had to experience. I hope they were spared. Because even though misery loves company & its easier to connect to a woman going through a similar situation, this isn’t something I’d wish on anyone.

So today, I pray that its in our cards to one day have a yard filled with laughing & happy children.

¬†Til next time…

 

 

Post Navigation