Daily Blessings

Throughout this fertility journey, no matter how much life has thrown at me, I will remember my blessings & affirmations each day.

Archive for the month “November, 2012”

Patience, Faith & Perserverance

As I sit here at my craft desk, listening to Pandora (my Glee station is my absolute fav when working), the Bruno Mars song Talking To The Moon comes on. This song is really special to me. Its a song I sing to my baby, who is out there somewhere in the universe. I have been reaching out to them for years now, yet cannot seem to reach them. As I type this, I am beginning to cry & sob. It’s hard to type through my tear stained glasses. It’s not a cry of sorrow necessarily, its a cry of desperation, disappointment & emptiness. It’s the pain I feel inside, it’s the hopeless and longing I have in my soul. I can’t really describe what it feels like to want something so bad and yet never be able to attain it. With every fiber of my being, I want to meet my child. I picture myself reaching my arms out to him or her, and they are reaching back. One day we will meet & it will be sheer bliss. My life will be fulfilled then. But until then, there is emptiness in my heart that nothing can ever fill. I have suffered a lot of loss, not just miscarriages, in my short 31 years. The hole it leaves in your heart is sometimes unbearable. I used to hold my emotions back, and bury them deep inside myself. I don’t allow myself to do that anymore. If I am feeling overwhelmed with sadness, I weep. I know the only way to get through this is to pray for patience, keep my faith & to perservere.

“I Know You’re Somewhere Out There. Somewhere Far Away.”


Finding Your Zen Amidst TTC

Two of my friends and I have been talking lately about ways to remain calm while enduring fertility treatments. Its so easy to let your mind wander to all the “what-ifs”, have a meltdown or panic attack after Googling something, feel hopeless when you get crappy test results, or contemplate giving up trying all together. I’m pretty sure any TTCer is feeling me right now…

So what do you do to keep your mind & body calm, focused & relaxed? How do you endure the storm? I’ll share some tips from my own personal routine that seem to help me navigate my way through this journey.

Epsom Salts – not just your grandma’s remedy

I always thought only old people soaked themselves in epsom salts for their aches & ailements. Well listen people, I have my own freaking aches & ailements now. Sometimes they are aches of the body, such as a sore lower back, tummy or breasts. Sometimes they are aches of the mind or soul. Feeling lost, afraid, vulnerable or pure yearning for that which I do not have yet. Either way, a warm (occassionaly hot) bath seems to do the trick. I start my bath water to a toasty temperature and add ~1 cup of epsom salts. You can also add sea salts. Make sure the water is warm but not burning hot. The rule of thumb is to not let your body temperature raise about 1 degree (for those TTC & pregnant – per my acupuncturist).

Use only pure essential oils

Once my salts begin to dissolve, I add some essential oils. Now as myself & my friends have been realizing, you have to be cautious as to what oils you are using at what point in your cycle. The oils I have pictured are all safe in the bath in small amounts (~3 drops each). I am no medical doctor, even though I play one on my blog 😉 so consult your physicians or health practitioners if you have questions. Lavendar, Orange, Lemon, Peppermint: All good choices. You only need to add a few drops of each to get the effects. Also adding some Olive Oil to the bath will leave your skin really hydrated and smooth. The epsom salts can dry the skin a little, though I have not had this problem because I moisturize afterward. There are recipes out there [[thank you Pinterest]] for creating your own bath salts, teas, bombs & fizzies. Find what works for you & stick with it, but don’t be afraid to experiment a little to really find your zen state.

So, light some candles (soy of course), turn down your lights, put on some relaxing music such as Zen Garden on Pandora (Thanks K) & really breathe. I think we all forget to stop & breathe throughout the day. I personally enjoy reading a book while soaking in the tub. I am reading The Fertile Female by Julia Indichova currently. Really take some down time for yourself to remember why you are doing what you’re doing. Remember & acknowledge why you are sticking yourself with needles, flying off the handle because of raging hormones, making Maca & flax smoothies & practically living at your doctor’s office. It’s all worth it.

But let’s get real…relaxing midday bath?

After about 5 minutes:

Til next time xo

Stimmin’ like a Villian

My dear friend AF finally arrived 8 days ago. I started my stims / injectables / whatever you want to call them (ovulation meds) on Friday. Oh and my other bff, Lovenox.

On my first scan Monday, the ultrasound tech said I had about 30 follies. There were a LOT. As I was laying back, relaxing with the wand of shame inside of me, I was looking at the u/s screen thinking… yep, that seems like a lot. My E2 levels came back at 714, which I was told was on the high side of normal (for a Time Intercourse TI cycle). So my medication was adjusted!

Today, Wednesday, my E2 levels came back at 1500. I had less follies this time, but they were growing nice & big. Mmm juicy. The nurse this evening said I had 4 that were 10mm or larger. I had about 15 follies total this time. Again, my dosage was adjusted (lowered). I started out on Menopur + Bravelle, and now am on 1/3 – 1/4 vial of Bravelle!

Them ovaries are a-workin’.

Friday is my next scan & we’re hoping for great results. Praying for great results…

Leibster Blog Award

I’ll borrow the words from my fellow TTCer & nominator IVF male @ http://ivfmale.wordpress.com/. Thank you for nominating me for a Leibster Blog Award! This award is granted to up-and-coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers who deserve some recognition and support to keep on blogging. Like my nominator, this is my first blog nomination. I hope everyone gets to know me a little better from this.

The instructions are:

1) to answers the 11 questions written by your nominator.
2) to nominate 11 other bloggers who have less than 200 followers.
3) to write 11 of your own questions for each nominee to answer.

Let the games begin.

Here are my questions I will be answering. I’m a BIT long winded by nature… Be prepared:

1.What inspired you to start your blog? I needed a different outlet to talk about my fertility journey. I belong to a fertility support group that I’ve been a part of for 3+ years now, but needed more. I was one of the very very few who were still TTC baby #1 after that long of a time & I felt very alone some days. I also wanted to reach out to others who were going through the same type of journey. I came upon a blog once, and the girl had the exact same 2 clotting mutations that I had and she had lost her first baby. She then went on to have her first born with the help of her new diagnosis. It touched me so much & inspired me. It gave me hope. I want to give others hope.

2.Describe one feature you wish WordPress had that it doesn’t. I WISH that the link button & bold buttons would work when using my laptop!! For some reason, it only works properly on my tablet, which is uber annoying. I also wish you could see your photos your post while drafting a blog, instead of the “picture link” mumbo jumbo.

3.What quality about yourself are you most proud of? My strength as a woman. In every aspect.

4.Describe your fondest childhood memory. Swinging on my swingset & riding my bike in the neighborhood during summertime.

5.Tell me about your first car. Oh Lord. It was a 1991 silver Grand AM, piece of shit (pardon my cursing). The day I traded it in for my next car, it was beyond on its last leg! It used to stall out randomly on the side of the road. If you let it sit there for awhile, it would always start back up. I left the windows down a few times & it rained… so the car reaked of smelly feet! But it was the nicest car of any of my friends. Things were simpler then. No one had money & nice things, but we were happy.

6.Who inspires you and why? Strong women. I was never exactly “proud” of my womanhood until I began on this baby journey. It wasn’t until I saw others overcome these insane obstacles, sorrows, devistations that I realized how freaking awesome it is to be a woman. {no offense, men}. I now have close friends who have had their husbands murdered, had stillborn babies, had 12 miscarriages, had relatives dropping like flies, had surgeries, infections, etc and are STILL going strong. That’s some powerful stuff.

7.Tell me the most recent joke you’ve heard that was really funny. Yeah, I honestly can’t think of one.

8.What do you want others to remember you by? That I was a good friend, daughter, relative. I was loyal & strong & worked hard.

9.Which question above do you wish I hadn’t asked? The one about the joke.

10.What question didn’t I ask you wish I had? Do you have regrets? or If you had it all to do over, what would you change? That’s a good question.

11.Do you think I made up the last two questions because I ran out of questions? HA! Taking the easy way out… Men… 😉

Now, I am to nominate 11 of my fellow bloggers for this award. This is the part I’ll enjoy.

1) Jessica from http://frommybathtub.wordpress.com/
2) Sam from http://bendsinajourney.wordpress.com/
3) Juno from http://wantababybelly.wordpress.com
4) http://myinnervoiceislaughingatme.wordpress.com
5) Angie from http://livinglavidamommy.wordpress.com/
6) Mrs W from http://alliwanttodooo.com/
7) http://thestorkdiaries.wordpress.com/
8) 2berrys from http://35life.wordpress.com/
9) Kat from http://girlykat.wordpress.com/
10) Sunnyside & Scrambled from http://twogoodeggsblog.wordpress.com/
11) http://laughingpromises.wordpress.com/

Hmm, not to come up with 11 questions for my bloggers to answer.

1) When did you start your blog & why?
2) When was your “a-ha” moment on your fertility journey where you decided to get serious?
3) If you could start from the beginning, would you change anything during your TTC journey? If so, what?
4) Favorite coffee drink?
5) Pets? Tell me about them.
6) What’s one thing that not a lot of people, if any, in the real world know about you? (Don’t worry, cyberspace is safe)
7) What is one piece of wisdom you can give to someone who is in your current situation? Whether that is as a mom, a wife, a TTCer, etc?
8) Celebrity Crush??
9) One thing you love & hate about winter?
10) Favorite holiday/s & why?
11) Will you follow and support these other fine bloggers listed?

Again, SORRY for the lack of links… Take it up with Dell.
Til next time…

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