Patience, Faith & Perserverance
As I sit here at my craft desk, listening to Pandora (my Glee station is my absolute fav when working), the Bruno Mars song Talking To The Moon comes on. This song is really special to me. Its a song I sing to my baby, who is out there somewhere in the universe. I have been reaching out to them for years now, yet cannot seem to reach them. As I type this, I am beginning to cry & sob. It’s hard to type through my tear stained glasses. It’s not a cry of sorrow necessarily, its a cry of desperation, disappointment & emptiness. It’s the pain I feel inside, it’s the hopeless and longing I have in my soul. I can’t really describe what it feels like to want something so bad and yet never be able to attain it. With every fiber of my being, I want to meet my child. I picture myself reaching my arms out to him or her, and they are reaching back. One day we will meet & it will be sheer bliss. My life will be fulfilled then. But until then, there is emptiness in my heart that nothing can ever fill. I have suffered a lot of loss, not just miscarriages, in my short 31 years. The hole it leaves in your heart is sometimes unbearable. I used to hold my emotions back, and bury them deep inside myself. I don’t allow myself to do that anymore. If I am feeling overwhelmed with sadness, I weep. I know the only way to get through this is to pray for patience, keep my faith & to perservere.
“I Know You’re Somewhere Out There. Somewhere Far Away.”