Never Give Up
This week while on my drive to my acupuncture session, I was listening to my “Wicked” cd in the car. Somehow this became a ritual for me anytime I make the drive to the city. Maybe its because it helps pass the time since it’s an hour drive, maybe it’s because it’s my favorite soundtrack to sing like a maniac to. I think when you’ve had pregnancy losses or are trying to conceive, the meanings of songs can take on a different light. Take a traditional love song for instance. Most people would hear the song & think about their spouse or loved one. I find myself singing the song to my spirit baby who is still out in the universe waiting for me, or to those I have lost. “Defying Gravity” is one of those songs.
This song is extremely empowering to me. It’s all about taking chances, listening to your heart, and going after what you want when you finally reach that turning point, despite the outcome. And isn’t that what TTC is all about? I believe it rings very true.
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game (<— best part)
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap
It’s time to try defying gravity
I think I’ll try defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down
I really like this second verse, about not accepting limitations that an outside person may bestow upon you. Not falling victim to labels about your infertility, or lab results. This cannot define who you are.
I’m through accepting limits because someone says they’re so (<— good, right?)
Some things I cannot change
But 'til I try, I'll never know
There’s been times during this journey where I’ve felt very lonely. It’s difficult to feel isolated, not by choice, because you’re 31 and childless. It’s difficult to see everyone around you attaining fertility & having their healthy babies, while you’re still muddling through darkness. But just because I may feel alone, does not mean I cannot achieve my goal. I have not lost hope & know that nothing can hold me back from my dreams as long as I keep believing in myself. Yeah, that’s cheesy, but it’s true.
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately – everyone deserves a chance to fly
And if I’m flying solo
At least I’m flying free
This cycle I will close my eyes… and leap.