She Walks a Fine Line
Knowing that your days of trying to conceive have been officially put on hold the week after Infertility Awareness Week walks a fine between fuc*ed up and ironic.
Technically, my fate was decided after my 2nd shot of methotrexate for this ectopic… that 6 month “waiting period” for your body to rebound from the nasty drug, to detox and to rebuild your folate stores. But on top of that, my husband won’t be around to make any babies for awhile.
It’s a feeling of sadness yet relief. Or should I say, a roller coaster of sadness followed by relief followed by sadness. You get the picture.
I’ve never felt so emotionally unstable & like a crazy person until I got pregnant the first time. I was never one to get PMS or feel moody ever in my life, but my God has that changed over the last 4 or so years. I can’t even imagine what menopause will be like…
So this waiting period will hopefully bring about time for self-healing and reflection, as well as open doors to what my future may hold. I’m still holding onto hope and planning for my one-day-baby, but keeping my heart a little more guarded.