Daily Blessings

Throughout this fertility journey, no matter how much life has thrown at me, I will remember my blessings & affirmations each day.

My Story

Liebster Blog Award Recipient

Liebster Blog Award Recipient

Sunshine Award Blog Recipient

Sunshine Award Blog Recipient

My struggle with infertility started in 2009 when I became pregnant for the first time, after trying only 3 months. I felt so lucky. I was so naive.

That was when I suffered my first loss also, at 8 weeks 1 day; a missed miscarriage. What a cruel joke. Like most women who discover they have fertility problems, I was hit like a ton of bricks….it came out of nowhere. After the loss, I was diagnosed with Mixed Connective Tissue Disorder, very suggestive of Lupus. This was based on a ton of bloodwork & symptoms I had while preg. I also had 2 clotting mutations {PAI-1 and MTHFR} that I knew about beforehand, but never paid any mind to. I started feeling better physically& I decided to try again. I got pregnant again only 2 cycles later, yet suffered another loss. (in 2010). This time I was only 6 weeks & the loss happened naturally. My husband at the time decided he had been “miserable and unhappy” and wrote to me saying he wanted a divorce, at the same time I was miscarrying. Visibly & emotionally in pain, when I told him he should leave the house that afternoon for the horrible things he said & did, he never returned. The day he left, I lay on the couch, bleeding our baby. I’ve never experienced anything so full of hate and selfishness in my life. He stole from me, lied, disrespected me the way no husband should ever do to a wife.

My TTC journey abruptly had ended. This was the most difficult part of my journey, second only to the loss of my babies. I was living hundreds of miles from all close friends and family, so I went through this new journey alone. I isolated myself from everyone, my career suffered, my health suffered, my mental state was very dark. I had never even told anyone I was ever pregnant, let alone the losses I was suffering. With therapy, I began to deal with my excruciating pain. I never emotionally dealt with my 2nd loss because I was putting my life back together as a newly single person. I had to make sure I was safe. My counselor helped me accept what had all happened, and realize it wasn’t my fault. I carried around guilt for a very long time. And the longing to try again & have my baby never ceased for one moment. This was the most difficult part of this new journey.

I never imagined I’d be remarried to a loving, amazing man and my journey of TTC would begin again. At the beginning of 2012, this blessing happened in my life. We started our journey with a specialist as soon as we were married. Sadly, we’ve already suffered a chemical pregnancy & most recently an ectopic. Getting pregnant sure isn’t as easy the 2nd time around, but the losses have not stopped.

I am blessed to be a stay at home wife and mother to an awesome cat. I enjoy crafts, cooking, movies, tea & coffee (though now its decaf). I’m older and wiser now, and I’ve stepped down from a busy and demanding career. I’m so much more mentally aware of the blessings in my life.


3 thoughts on “My Story

  1. Thanks for the follow! I’ll be praying for you 🙂

  2. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for your loss but so great you found a good man. I’ll be following you. I’ve had 1 miscarriage. We haven’t done the testing yet, but I’m sure that will be soon coming. God bless you on your journey!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: