Daily Blessings

Throughout this fertility journey, no matter how much life has thrown at me, I will remember my blessings & affirmations each day.

Archive for the tag “bfn”

CD2…onto July

*sigh*  Our vacation / family trip was indeed no vacation. There was family drama started by my MIL on day 5 & her incessant need to meddle in her ex’s business (my FIL) caused screaming and fighting between herself and my husband. The woman can be a total manipulative bitch nightmare. We had 2 nights at the lake with the grandparents after that culminating event, which was magnificent. It was fun & relaxing. Needless to say, we did not want to return to reality back at “mom’s house.” I’ve said it probably 10 times before: once you move out and become an independent adult, staying with mom or dad becomes sheer torture. {That’s been 10+ yrs for me}

My symptoms during the first part of my 2ww were so promising. But then the all the stress just threw my body for a complete loop. Its no wonder a fetus didn’t implant… plus wave runners were involved during the lake trip… shakin’ up my uterus.

I’m feeling the need for change still when it concerns this fertility journey. My zen, calm state is gone. I regret giving up acupuncture, my herbs, etc for this last cycle. I have my phone consult tomorrow with the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) tomorrow & my new OB GYN appointment on Friday. Then we’ll go from there. An IUI and/or LAP may be in my near future. Technically I think if I asked for it, we could do IUI this cycle and a LAP in August…

On a side note, we’re moving soon so most of my loosely constructed plans will have to wait til mid August. In a way, this is a good distraction from the depressing state of lack of pregnancy I’ve been experiencing. All I know is that taking a TTC break is not something we are willing to do, or even want to do. It may be time to get more aggressive…

4th of July, 10dpo & BFN

First the formalities. Happy 4th of July / Independence Day, America. Its a great country, even though we clearly have our share of issues. I celebrated my day at a cookout and pool party at my husband’s aunt and uncles. The weather was insanely hot and humid, so the pool was a welcomed relief.

This morning, however, I decided since I was 10dpo and had a few hours alone, i would test. Major FAIL. I had smuggled 1 dollar store test in my suitcase, along with pads & my Lovenox. So I was prepared for either a BFP or a BFN. Shocker it was a BFN, right? Am I surprised? Of course not. It really feels like my body can no longer get pregnant. We did everything perfectly this time. We were calm, had fun, didn’t worry about anything. And still not pregnancy.

It used to be so easy for me to get pregnant. In fact, when I started round 2 (with my 2nd awesome husband) everyone was so sure I’d be pregnant in no time. I knew they were all wrong. I’ve been off any kind of contraception for over a year now. Something is wrong.

My new OB GYN appointment is on the 13th, and I also have a phone consult on the 12th (thanks for a dear friend of mine) with a renowned RE. I’m praying this goes well & I get some insight soon before I flip my lid.

I know 10dpo is technically early, but this just feels like another failed cycle. For those who read, please continue the support. I really appreciate it & it keeps me going.

Until next time…

Onto May…

I haven’t posted in awhile so knew I should update. Unfortunately, there isn’t much to update.  I am 15 dpo and waiting for AF to arrive.  I was struggling with the month of April since the beginning, since it had been a very traumatic month for me in the past.  So here’s to the month of May.

Today, I’m thankful that I’m feeling really good. I’m thankful my cycles have been so much better & healthier thanks to acupuncture, the dietary changes I’ve made, and the herbal supplements I’ve been using. I’m thankful I haven’t had to see a doctor yet to help with fertility, and remain hopeful I won’t have to.

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