I’m sitting here on the couch drinking my hot tea. My castor oil pack is warming my tummy. I just came from a bath with some olive oil & baking soda, which helped soothe my dry skin. Sometimes I take a step back and wonder if all this is worth it? By now, my fertility tea, the castor oil, acupuncture, the maya massage, no caffeine, drinking only filtered water out of glass, wearing slippers when its cold (the list goes on) has all become such habit, such a part of everyday life that I tend to forget it all started with TTC. TTC has made me a much healthier, conscious person, if nothing else.
A friend of mine experienced a natural birth with her 3rd baby 3 weeks ago. I’ve been patiently awaiting the pictures or a video from the birth, since she hired a birth photographer. I was taken aback when, tonight, I saw her slideshow from her experience. I was brought to tears & immediately felt refreshed. In an instant, all the stress I had been dealing with today seemed to melt away. It became unimportant. I felt a closeness to my friend that I hadn’t felt before. As a woman, I felt proud and powerful. As a fellow ttc’er, I felt inspired and humbled. I felt connected.
I can’t say if I’ll have a natural birth, an epidural, be induced, or a c-section. I’d like to think I have the determination and power inside of me to have a natural birth. I think when you’ve fought for something for so many years, that you gain a certain wisdom and strength that not everybody has. The fire inside of me got ignited a little tonight.
So when I have these moments where I wonder, ‘is this all going to be worth it?’ I’m reassured that it will be. It’ll be worth every moment… God willing.