Daily Blessings

Throughout this fertility journey, no matter how much life has thrown at me, I will remember my blessings & affirmations each day.

Archive for the tag “frustration”

Let Me Be Candid

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Going to the post office is never a fun experience, let alone during the holiday season. It literally makes me want to bash my head into their cement walls.

I had to mail out 3 packages & a card yesterday afternoon, after arriving home from my doctor’s appointment. I grabbed everything I needed and flew out the door, knowing it would be a hellacious wait.

I considered myself somewhat lucky when I arrived because the line wasn’t quite out the door yet. A bunch of people came in behind me. Suckers.

It took about 3 minutes for me to get annoyed. I didn’t turn around right away, but a young sounding girl & what appeared to be her opinionated Southern mother started gabbing about her pregnancy. Now, when I first went into the building, I didn’t notice this girl was pregnant. So, when I heard her telling another woman in line that she was 8 months along, I wondered where she was hiding that bump.

The mom / daughter team & their newfound friend in line continued to gossip & complain about the woes of pregnancy, how they hated it, how miserable they were, etc for the next 32 minutes. This girl was 22 or 23 I think. The mother went on & on about having her first baby at 21, and how she can’t imagine having one when she was 10 years older, because “you just don’t have the patience for it. I was about to turn around & tell them to shut the fuck up, but I decided that wasn’t in the holiday spirit.

The line slugged along & we barely moved for over 20 minutes. Directly in front of me was the large, LED post office sign with the date & time. All I could do was focus on the sign & breathe. And all I could see that it was December 12, 2012. And all I could think of was that I was 10 days shy of my 3 year anniversary of my first miscarriage at 8 weeks. 3 years ago, I was pregnant & had no idea what was to come.

The hens couldn’t stop running their mouths about who they knew who was pregnant with their 4th baby, how the girl planned on having more since she got pregnant so easily this time, complains & more complains. I felt like I was in a freaking nightmare holding a giant flat rate box. All I wanted to do was tell them to just stop talking for 5 seconds and consider the people around them. But no one ever thinks about that, even though so many couples struggle with infertility.

So I guess we all have to suffer in silence from time to time & bite our tongues til they’re at the brink of bleeding. O

BangHeadHere

I was so glad when my 35 minute wait had ended & I arrived at the front of the line. I got the eff out of there as fast as I could and hauled butt to the pharmacy which is right across the street. There is always a long wait in there as well, so I took my number & grabbed a seat. I checked a few things on my phone and when I looked up, you would not believe it, but the prego & her southern mama had come in.

“Are you freaking kidding me right now?” I said out loud. The old lady beside me gave me a look like I was crazy. I didn’t care. Lucky for me, they sat a few rows down so I didn’t have to hear their banter anymore.

The most ironic part? I was there to refill my birth control pills for my next injectable cycle.

CD10: The Last Straw Morning Phone Call

My phone rings at 8:30am while I’m in my bathroom sleepily starting my morning routine (aka going pee). I see its a local number, so I know its not a spam call. Its a receptionist at my OB’s office. Hmm, perhaps they’re checking up on me with the Clomid, apologizing for being such incompetent & rude staff members, or reminding me of my ultrasound on Monday. I bet its the reminder call.

It’s not.

The doctors are both out of the office on Monday (CD14) so she needs to see if we can reschedule my u/s for Tuesday (CD15) since she “knows I need it on CD14.” (This is what goes through my head) “Well, first off Melissa, its is supposed to be a CD13 scan, but since this is not a fetility clinic and you’re not open on Sundays, I chose Monday CD14. So CD15 is actually 2 days later than what the doctor himself instructed me to do.” Idiots.

What I said was I already had plans Tuesday afternoon, but she can put me down for the appt. BUT I will have to call her to see if I can keep it. Oh, and its a CD13 scan.

DONE. last straw.

I immediately call the new OB / GYN office & tell them I would like to switch my care over to them. I explain the situation about the Clomid and monitoring issues and she says she’s sure they can fit me in, but she will talk to the nurse & call me back.

So this is where I stand. I remind myself that everything happens for a reason. Soon I may be breaking up with my doctor via telephone. I guess its better than text or Facebook.

Stay tuned.

CD4, a new perspective + Stupidity!

*Cycle Day 4*

All around the day went well until about 1.5 hours ago… honestly, it really doesn’t take much to get me hot under the collar & swinging into bitch mode, but I’ll get to that later…

At 8am my OB GYN called me back to discuss my sonohysterogram V laprascopy concerns & interest in Clomid. I was shocked that he personally called and that it was such a quick turnaround. In short, he would be fine taking a less invasive approach like a sonohysterogram before a lap if that’s what I wanted. I could tell he still seemed to favor the lap.  Whatever dude, its my uterus. So I asked since it was a little late to be scheduling the procedure {plus I sort of prefer the RE or fertility clinic to perform it} if he could recommend a round or 2 of clomid. He did. So a 50mg “bitch pill” was prescribed along with an ultrasound on or around CD13. I was pleased…

A few hours later I had my first appointment with my NEW OB GYN whom I was “interviewing”.  He was a lovely man, a little soft spoken and quiet though. Maybe even a little strangely mannered. Again, in short, we discussed my current OB’s suggestions {which is only surgery}, my RE phone consults suggestions {tests, a couple procedures, meds} and then my concerns and suggestions. The new OB carefully went over my history & even asked my husband some questions. He was off work, so he got drug along. {Meniacle laugh}

His list for me, which he wrote down on a script for me to take, was repeat my TSH & Prolactin, have an HSG (he also said LAP is a last resort and wasn’t needed yet), an endometrial biopsy, post-coital test, & karyotyping on both myself and hubs.  He said he wasn’t familiar with NK Cells so he couldn’t speak on their behalf (my words).

We left the future open. I was welcome to take these suggestions to my current doctor, and he would even write him an email about it. Or I can have him take over my care. Or….I will take all the suggestions from him and the Vegas RE to the Fertility Clinic @ my appt in August. Its likely I will take the info to the Fertility Clinic since they are the experts.

So, all was fine & dandy. We got free Starbucks, got free moving boxes, & finally a free crib sheet from Kohls with the $10 off card that comes in the mail. Yes, I like FREE. Duh, who doesn’t.

Then shit started to hit the fan. I called to see if the Clomid had been called in. It hadn’t. Ok…so I call the office, schedule the CD13 ultrasound and remind them to check on that prescription since I need to start it tomorrow.

Wait……

Call the pharmacy. No prescription. Eff. Call the office again to bitch & I’m told the doctor is gone already and the prescription is sitting in his box unsigned. {More swear words}. I have bad effin karma friends. Its my life, i shouldn’t have been surprised. So I’m told to call the office after hours and have him paged to call me. Stupid, but whatever, ok.  Call afterhours & am told that Dr. Mac has a strict no prescription calls policy. {Blood pressure goes up}. So I complain awhile and then complain to my husband and we decide I just have to lie in order to get him paged.

I call back, luckily its a different person.  “I called the office at 5 and was told the doctor had left and that I needed to call & have him paged. *cough….lies* I’m having cramping and bleeding. I’m 5 weeks pregnant.”  BAM, paged.

Doc calls, apologizes, says he electronically sent it in earlier & he knows I need to start it tomorrow. He’ll resend it and it will be waiting for me. I explain how his staff are incompetent. And vow to my husband and to all of you that I am done with this office after I get this script.  Please hold me to this!!!!

So today I am thankful that I am already a bitch, so the side effects of Clomid don’t have nothin’ on me!

Til next time…

Waiting to O…

I’ve been having a lot of highs and lows this cycle. More lows than anything. I’m ovulating really late in my cycle this time, which hasn’t happened in about a year. I also had some faker out + looking opk’s last weekend, but then my body did not ovulate. So here we are, a week later, a week wiser. FX (fingers crossed) today is really o-day. Here’s my opk progression from CD16 (top) until CD18 (bottom, today).

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