Daily Blessings

Throughout this fertility journey, no matter how much life has thrown at me, I will remember my blessings & affirmations each day.

Archive for the tag “future”

Two-thousand thirteen

2012 brought a lot of memories for me. Some good, some bad.

Right after Christmas, my husband had to leave the state for work for a month unexpectantly. This was the first time we were apart for that long since we had been living together. A month later, my dad got very sick, but recovered & we got married…for me, this was the 2nd time. It seems like an extremely faint, yet lurking memory that I was ever even married previously. Its something that will haunt me forever I suppose. I started seeing new OB/GYN’s and together, we tried to start solving the puzzle of my infertility.

We enjoyed exploring our new city in springtime, I worked at the Farmer’s Market for the first time, and we visited with friends and family. My husband got promoted at work and we prayed spring would bring many more blessings.

The summer came quickly & a lot of new things were happening. We had an insanely stressful visit home to see family, followed by an upcoming move (again) and I had my first RE appointment. It was a bit of a whirlwind. I took Clomid for the first time ever & got surprisingly got pregnant…for the 3rd time. And for the 3rd time, it ended in an early loss. But I had hope.

It was a rocky end to the summer, but as autumn approached, things eventually got better. We both celebrated birthdays, carved pumpkins & visited more family and friends during the holiday season. I did my first injectable cycle.

The cycle wasn’t a success & we both knew we needed a break. Some time away. Just for us.
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Our Christmas vacation / honeymoon was great. It was exactly what we needed & felt rejuvinated. We loved it. We visited more family, enjoyed Christmas with relatives, then got ready to say goodbye to 2012 as we settled back into “normal” life again.

Late night on New Year's Eve we got a call that my husband's cousin had been killed in a car accident. He had hit a tree and died. He was 22.

As we head into 2013, I have to be thankful & count my blessings. Things could have been a lot worse last year. Life was worse for a lot of people. I pray that God has big plans for me this year. I know that when God takes a life from this world, He creates a life. I pray & plead He creates a life within me.

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CD3 – Yet Another New Beginning

I realize I owe a update for where my last cycle stands. It was our first medicated / monitored cycle with the RE {Reproductive Endocrinologist}. Where I left off was in November after a few days of stimming. My e2 (estradiol) levels were a whopping 1500. My medication dosage was being backed off slowly, as to not overstimulate me. And by “overstimulate” I guess I don’t mean OHSS. Rather,  my doctor didn’t want me to produce more than 3 or so mature follicles by the end of my cycle since I said I wouldn’t “selectively reduce.”  That’s a whole other blog topic there.

So, my Bravelle was lowered & lowered again. And then my estrogen bottomed out.

It went from 1500 to 620 then to 217. Major FAIL. This all happened around a weekend. Now, I need to state that my RE’s office isn’t down the road from our house. It’s over an hour away. So for 6 days in a row, I drove back & forth to the office and the lab to figure out what was happening with this e2 level.

My medication was upped again to 1 Bravelle, then 2 Bravelle & 1 Menopur, then 2 B & 1 M. Lord Jesus, I could not wait until Monday came around to see what was happening on the ultrasound screen. Luckily, my husband was off for a 4 day weekend, so he was there to bear the brunt of the crazy with me,

Monday came & I prayed before the ultrasound (just as I did every time but once). I thought for sure that there would be nothing on the screen. That I had lost all my follies.

But they were in there!  A few huge ones & lots of other ones. I was shocked, relieved & very concerned all at once. With an estrodial level so low, how did I have all these follicles? Every mature follicle should produce about 200-300 (according to my own doctor’s stats) units of estrogen. Some doctors will say each should produce 100 units. Either way, my blood levels did not match what I was seeing on the screen. No one really had answers for me at this point, other than my e2 finally went back up to 590 & I was to trigger that night.

So my husband gave me my Lupron trigger & we did what we needed to do over the next few days, blindly hoping for the best. I started my regular supplements. A laundry list of hormones in pill forms, suppositories & patches. I had been doing my Lovenox injections every day since I started the stims, as well as my NeevoDHA, baby aspirin & folbic. It was a lot to remember. None of them I minded more than the Lovenox. It’s just such a bitch of a shot.

Well, we hoped for good news, but in my heart I sort of knew it wasn’t happening. The estrogen snafu threw me for a loop & I knew something there wasn’t right.

My hcg came back negative last Thursday, but it was expected. I had tested at home a few times beforehand, which originally I said I was not going to do. But in my heart, I needed to be mentally prepared for that news. When my nurse called, I did not cry. I was upset, but I had done my crying the days prior. I was ready to move on by this point. And I was happy to get a small break from the Lovenox to let my belly heal.

So today is CD3. AGAIN. It’s the same old song & dance, isn’t it? I wonder how many cycle day 3’s I’ve had since I started TTC? Surely there have been a lot.

I visited with my RE yesterday for a follow-up & to get a gameplan for the future. It seems like just yesterday when I was walking into their office for the first time, but over 4 months have come and gone. My next monitored cycle will happen in February, with the commencement of bcp’s after my January AF (menstrual cycle). If we want to, we can try naturally this month while we’re on vacation (mmm vacation sex), but that means dragging along the bag of goodies (progesterone, lovenox, etc).  As always, we’ll continue patience & see what the future holds.

 

 

 

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