Daily Blessings

Throughout this fertility journey, no matter how much life has thrown at me, I will remember my blessings & affirmations each day.

Archive for the tag “RE”

pink or blue?

Today at the RE office when I sat down for my blood draw, the phlebotomist & I were making small talk about the weather, the weekend, etc. She’s a really sweet, older woman. And although she’s “new” to the office, I’ve already grown fond of her. Anyways, she remembers my preference for a butterfly when she draws my blood & I appreciate that. I am no wuss at all when it comes to needles, it’s just that being on blood thinners obviously makes me a little bleedy. With the old phlebotomist, I bled through my cotton ball and all over my coat twice. This hasn’t happened with the new lady, so I’m thankful for her.

So after she vampires my blood out of my vein she asks me, “pink or blue?” They had gotten new bandaid tape and I got to pick. “Pink!” I said. She wrapped me up and said, “So are you hoping for a girl?” It totally caught me off guard and I answered sort of sheepishly, stumbling over my words, “I just like pink…” lol I’m a girl, duh, I’m going to pick pink! But I guess they did that for good luck for the patients & just for a little fun. I thought that was a really cute idea. It brings a bit more humanity to the whole TTC with the RE process. The process can feel so scheduled and sterile that I can see how it can become monotonous, even to the employees at the clinic.

So thank you, phlebotomist-lady-whose-name-I-don’t-know-yet. You made me smile. And didn’t bruise my arm.

Til next time…

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Scatterbrained…

I have a bunch of scattered thoughts that I’m not sure amount to a any specific blog topic. But I just wanted to share a little of what is going on, especially since I haven’t written in awhile.

I can’t say for sure what CD (cycle day) I’m on. The HSG + femara cycle threw my body for a loop & I haven’t had a true period since. What I do know is that I’m glad to be off birth control! Let’s take a step back…

After I had my HSG, bloodwork, husband’s tests, etc. I had my follow-up with my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) to discuss his game plan for us. After discussing everything, he suggested a timed intercourse cycle with Bravelle & Menopur. I think “timed intercourse” is a silly phrase. I was just thrilled IUI or IVF wasn’t mentioned right off the bat. Although there wasn’t a real reason it would be, I was still nervous.

So the very same day, I was instructed to start my first birth control pill. THIS was not something I had planned on. Ever. Because of my past issues with lupus, autoimmune issues, clotting disorders, estrogen was always said to be a big no-no. What was this doctor thinking prescribing me birth control pills!?? The nurse said it was a low dose & I would only be on them for 3 weeks. They needed to make sure that when the time was right, they can control over my ovulation. They didn’t want me ovulating on my own, too early, etc. I was going to be monitored (ultrasounds + estradiol levels) basically every other day once I started my stims. I reluctantly agreed to the bcp’s because I DID see the big picture.

I encountered some resistence from my friends & husband when I told them about the protocol, understandably. I explained to one friend that nothing worth having comes easy. And TTC and all it involves is not always 100% comfortable. Things don’t always go as we have planned. So this was just a small step towards our miracle.

And it was a small step! I ended the birth control a few days ago. Other than a little nausea & some crazy sore boobs near the end, it was easy. Of course, hormones & emotions have been flying too… But that’s all part of the deal 🙂

On Friday, I have my visit to the Doc to get my baseline ultrasound, bloodwork, instructions on how to use my medicines & I start my injections (hopefully). I’ll also start my Lovenox on the same day.

In the middle of all of this, I had a birthday. It seemed to come & go mysteriously, leaving me at the ripe age of 31. Saying I am 31 is bizarre & feels foreign still. I don’t feel any different but know I am officially in my “thirties” now. Again, this is very strange. I’m happy to have made it this far & learned as much as I have. I’ve been through a lot of struggles which have made me a better person. A better 31 year old woman.

Today, I have an acupuncture appointment to get my “zen on.” I am also looking forward to some goodies coming in the mail 🙂 (a birthday present from a sweet friend, some items for my craft business, and some items for future baby) You have to look for the little blessings in life, every day. They’re not always going to be these huge, life changing miracles. I’ll be waiting for that type of blessing in 10 months.

Til next time…

CD8, Hysteroscopy & Patience

So, I have 10% battery left on the laptop so I have to keep this concise.

I haven’t been around & have no valid reasons why. Just haven’t been in the “blogging” mood. I’ve dealt & moved past the last miscarriage and am looking towards the future. I had my hysterosonobiopsygram 🙂 last Wednesday. I was drugged to high heaven which was amazing. I felt nothing before, during or afterwards. I am very thankful to my RE’s office for this.

So structurally my uterus, endometrium (lining) & fallopian tubes all looked good & normal. (celebrations!) Very good news in that department. I am waiting for the culture results & the endometrial biopsy results. I assume I will get those during my BIG FOLLOW UP on October 9th. October 9th looms over my head like this weird little grey cloud…

So because my hystero was performed on CD3, I asked if we had the goahead to TTC naturally this cycle. Doc gave me the OK. My dear friend shipped me some femara (or BMF = black market femara) to use this month. Love her. So my ovaries are a’rollin and I am praying. Perhaps we will have a successful pregnancy with this medicine + the others I have to take after ovulation time… (progesterone, estrogen, lovenox) Maybe this will be OUR month.

As always, only time, luck, & patience will tell.

7% battery… So today, I am thankful for the people who have gotten me through the last month.

xo

CD 9 & Where Have I Been?

Where have I been? In short: moving, getting settled, keeping sane & starting fresh. Again.

I ended up getting a BFP {big fat positive} last cycle with the Clomid. I got it on 11dpo on the day our movers came. The test/s were pretty dark too, so what happened next was a surprise. Not a good surprise.

I went to the new RE office the following day, got all my blood drawn, got scripts for a ton of meds (Progesterone, Estrogen, Lovenox, a different prenatal, Folbic, baby aspirin) & spent the whole day getting them filled. I was extremely hopeful. I didn’t have that doomed feeling / gut reaction I had with the other pregnancies.

So when the nurse called me that night with my hcg results {blood pregnancy levels} and they were a 9, I was devastated.  And confused. I didn’t see how it was possible to get such a clear line on a pregnancy test and the level come back so low. This is when the doubt crept in.

2 days later I got my repeat hcg done (and estradiol & progesterone) and it went down to 4.

I went off all the meds and my period started 4 days later. I now have a shit ton of prego meds hoarded in my house, which is awkward, yet I am glad I have them on hand now. I am / was super sad about having another loss, but I am trying to move forward from it.

As for an RE update: I’ve had all the bloodwork done & the Lupron Challenge completed. I don’t get those results until my big follow up in October. I do know some of the results & they have all been in normal range. (Minus my estradiol & progesterone being lower than normal according to my clinic’s ranges).

My Hysteroscopy, sonohysterogram, & biopsies are not scheduled until next month…which is daunting having to wait. BUT this gives me time to heal emotionally & physically, and work on ME again. The last couple weeks were a whirlwind of chaos…the pregnancy was a surprise and a blessing amidst it all…and even though it didn’t work out, we are working towards the original game plan & staying hopeful.

My day is coming… one day.

4dpo – Thoughts

Today, I am 4dpo (days past ovulation). Like last month, I think I will quit temping in order to remain calm & not overthink things. I tend to overanalyze my chart, compare it to previous charts, compare it to other people’s charts… you get the idea. I have enough things going on that I don’t want to obsess about something as silly as my temperature. (MOVING for example!)

When TTC back in 2009-2010, I never temped. I used opk’s and that was it. Technically I suppose you could say that temping hasn’t been beneficial or got me anywhere since I haven’t got pregnant once since starting. Some women say BFN’s make them sad or depressed, seeing them over & over again each month. For me, its a bad chart. It’s seeing that temperature & symptoms start to go away around 9dpo each & every month. By that point, seeing the BFN has little effect on me. But that day when my boobs stop hurting kills me, because I know the inevitable outcome, regardless of what the pee stick tells me.

I want to go into my RE appointment (which is Wednesday) with a calm, open mind. This is a huge step for me & I can admit I am scared. I’m scared of what they will or will not find. I’m scared of answers I really don’t want to have. Equally as scared of no explanations as to why it seems I am the only one of my friends who is still trying to have a baby.

On a happy note, I’m really enjoying Will & Grace reruns this morning. Way better than the Olympics. blasphemy!

CD4, a new perspective + Stupidity!

*Cycle Day 4*

All around the day went well until about 1.5 hours ago… honestly, it really doesn’t take much to get me hot under the collar & swinging into bitch mode, but I’ll get to that later…

At 8am my OB GYN called me back to discuss my sonohysterogram V laprascopy concerns & interest in Clomid. I was shocked that he personally called and that it was such a quick turnaround. In short, he would be fine taking a less invasive approach like a sonohysterogram before a lap if that’s what I wanted. I could tell he still seemed to favor the lap.  Whatever dude, its my uterus. So I asked since it was a little late to be scheduling the procedure {plus I sort of prefer the RE or fertility clinic to perform it} if he could recommend a round or 2 of clomid. He did. So a 50mg “bitch pill” was prescribed along with an ultrasound on or around CD13. I was pleased…

A few hours later I had my first appointment with my NEW OB GYN whom I was “interviewing”.  He was a lovely man, a little soft spoken and quiet though. Maybe even a little strangely mannered. Again, in short, we discussed my current OB’s suggestions {which is only surgery}, my RE phone consults suggestions {tests, a couple procedures, meds} and then my concerns and suggestions. The new OB carefully went over my history & even asked my husband some questions. He was off work, so he got drug along. {Meniacle laugh}

His list for me, which he wrote down on a script for me to take, was repeat my TSH & Prolactin, have an HSG (he also said LAP is a last resort and wasn’t needed yet), an endometrial biopsy, post-coital test, & karyotyping on both myself and hubs.  He said he wasn’t familiar with NK Cells so he couldn’t speak on their behalf (my words).

We left the future open. I was welcome to take these suggestions to my current doctor, and he would even write him an email about it. Or I can have him take over my care. Or….I will take all the suggestions from him and the Vegas RE to the Fertility Clinic @ my appt in August. Its likely I will take the info to the Fertility Clinic since they are the experts.

So, all was fine & dandy. We got free Starbucks, got free moving boxes, & finally a free crib sheet from Kohls with the $10 off card that comes in the mail. Yes, I like FREE. Duh, who doesn’t.

Then shit started to hit the fan. I called to see if the Clomid had been called in. It hadn’t. Ok…so I call the office, schedule the CD13 ultrasound and remind them to check on that prescription since I need to start it tomorrow.

Wait……

Call the pharmacy. No prescription. Eff. Call the office again to bitch & I’m told the doctor is gone already and the prescription is sitting in his box unsigned. {More swear words}. I have bad effin karma friends. Its my life, i shouldn’t have been surprised. So I’m told to call the office after hours and have him paged to call me. Stupid, but whatever, ok.  Call afterhours & am told that Dr. Mac has a strict no prescription calls policy. {Blood pressure goes up}. So I complain awhile and then complain to my husband and we decide I just have to lie in order to get him paged.

I call back, luckily its a different person.  “I called the office at 5 and was told the doctor had left and that I needed to call & have him paged. *cough….lies* I’m having cramping and bleeding. I’m 5 weeks pregnant.”  BAM, paged.

Doc calls, apologizes, says he electronically sent it in earlier & he knows I need to start it tomorrow. He’ll resend it and it will be waiting for me. I explain how his staff are incompetent. And vow to my husband and to all of you that I am done with this office after I get this script.  Please hold me to this!!!!

So today I am thankful that I am already a bitch, so the side effects of Clomid don’t have nothin’ on me!

Til next time…

CD3, RE phone consult, & the cat

Our cat has already broke 1 cable box. Its only a matter of time before her fat butt fries this one too.

image

So I had my phone consult with a Las Vegas RE today. I’d say it went well, was informative, & got me motivated. So motivated that I made my very first RE appointment at a fertility clinic in our nearest large city. FINALLY.

The RE doc disagrees that a LAP (laprascopy) is needed. He suggested a sonohysterogram instead. Since I have had 2 pregnancy + 1 chemical pregnancy the likelihood of my tubes being an issue are pretty slim. I tend to agree. He gave me a few tests he suggested performing, including NK cells (natural killer cell activity), karyotyping on myself & husband (looks for genetic issues), repeating my TSH & Prolactin levels (since they were a little high on his scale), plus a few more. Again, I was totally seeing eye to eye. 

Doc was onboard with starting Lovenox at the first positive pregnancy test also, especially due to my PAI-1 mutation. Plasminogen Acitvator Inhibitor relates to forming blood clots easier. I’m on aspirin now for multiple clotting issues. He did not, however, really feel like immune or autoimmune issues + implantation issues played a big role. This surprised me. Again, there is no way to ever know 100% what is and was the cause of my losses and fertility issues. But he offered up safe & easy resolutions to most all of the issues. This was reassuring to me.

A few rounds of Clomid to help with egg quality was brought up: naturally then if that doesn’t work, maybe an IUI or two. Because he said my husbands semen analysis was so good, an IUI isn’t exactly something we need. But I am becoming more open to it.

Tomorrow, I meet with the new OB GYN to get his insights, opinions, etc. Basically I am interviewing him and his office staff to get a feel for them… I am less than thrilled with the staff at my current office. I did call & leave a message regarding his thoughts on doing the sonohysterogram instead of the LAP… so we’ll see how long it takes to get a call back. Any guesses?? I say Monday. {Bangs head on wall}.

So until next time…

Info on sonohysterogram

Info of PAI-1 mutations

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