Daily Blessings

Throughout this fertility journey, no matter how much life has thrown at me, I will remember my blessings & affirmations each day.

Archive for the tag “vacation”

Just a Quickie?

A quickie… blog post.

As the evening quickly approaches, I am still waiting for my husband to get home from work. He was supposed to be home 2 hours ago. Fail. The suitcases are packed, I picked us up BOGO Starbucks, our huge snack bag is even in the car already. The only thing left is our dog & us.

I’ve never been a fan of waiting. I am a woman with a plan, a schedule, a timeline. I am very organized – this helps me remain calm even in the storm. I tend to arrive just on time or even a few minutes late to doctor’s appointments or parties just to avoid the wait! The anticipation of waiting gives me anxiety. My mind wanders, I get antsy, I always get the urge to poop for some reason. Its like when you have an OB/GYN or RE appointment… if you just walk straight into the exam room & get probed by the wand of shame before you have time to get scared, things tend to go a lot smoother!

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Disney & CD10

disney

So far, December has been flying by. Emotionally, this month started off a little rocky. Holidays & TTC don’t always mesh together well. But I’ve been pushing forward, keeping myself occupied, & most of all, looking forward to a vacation.
We weren’t going to decorate or put up a tree since we would be out of town for most of the holidays. That all changed. I know my husband seemed to be having a hard time being away from his family this Christmas, so I decided we need a little cheer. I felt energized as I decorated our home, and found some joy myself.

spoiled pets

spoiled pets

You notice that we don’t have stockings this year, only the pets do! Hubs & I both decided not to spoil each other this season, but rather to enjoy ourselves on vacation. He has 2 gifts from me under the tree & there are 5 for me! Maybe I’m the spoiled one ūüėČ

On a TTC note, I am already CD10. I’m not sure what this month will bring for us, but I’m keeping my expectations low. I’m trying not to have preconceived ideas of what should happen, but rather enjoy the time my husband & I have together. At my RE appointment tomorrow, I have a couple questions to discuss with Doc & am praying it goes well. Again, it’s hard to believe that it’s been nearly 3 years since I lost my first pregnancy. Next time, I hope my body will have learned how to stay pregnant. Here’s hoping for a Christmas miracle.

Til next time…

CD3 – Yet Another New Beginning

I realize I owe a update for where my last cycle stands. It was our first medicated / monitored cycle with the RE {Reproductive Endocrinologist}. Where I left off was in November after a few days of stimming. My e2 (estradiol) levels were a whopping 1500. My medication dosage was being backed off slowly, as to not overstimulate me. And by “overstimulate” I guess I don’t mean OHSS. Rather,¬†¬†my doctor¬†didn’t want me to produce more than 3 or so mature follicles by the end of my cycle since I said I wouldn’t “selectively reduce.”¬† That’s a whole other blog topic there.

So, my Bravelle was lowered & lowered again. And then my estrogen bottomed out.

It went from 1500 to 620 then to 217. Major FAIL. This all happened around a weekend. Now, I need to state that my RE’s office isn’t down the road from our house. It’s over an hour away. So for 6 days in a row, I drove back & forth to the office and the lab to figure out what was happening with this e2 level.

My medication was upped again to 1 Bravelle, then 2 Bravelle & 1 Menopur, then 2 B & 1 M. Lord Jesus, I could not wait until Monday came around to see what was happening on the ultrasound screen. Luckily, my husband was off for a 4 day weekend, so he was there to bear the brunt of the crazy with me,

Monday came & I prayed before the ultrasound (just as I did every time but once). I thought for sure that there would be nothing on the screen. That I had lost all my follies.

But they were in there!¬† A few huge ones & lots of other ones. I was shocked, relieved & very concerned all at once. With an estrodial level so low, how did I have all these follicles? Every mature follicle should produce about 200-300 (according to my own doctor’s stats) units of estrogen. Some doctors will say each should produce 100 units. Either way, my blood levels did not match what I was seeing on the screen. No one really had answers for me at this point, other than my e2 finally went back up to 590 & I was to trigger that night.

So my husband gave me my Lupron trigger & we did what we needed to do over the next few days, blindly hoping for the best. I¬†started my regular supplements. A laundry list of hormones in pill forms, suppositories & patches. I had been doing my Lovenox injections every day since I started the stims, as well as my NeevoDHA, baby aspirin & folbic. It was a lot to remember. None of them I minded more than the Lovenox. It’s just such a bitch of a shot.

Well, we hoped for good news, but in my heart I sort of knew it wasn’t happening. The estrogen snafu threw me for a loop & I knew something there wasn’t right.

My hcg came back negative last Thursday, but it was expected. I had tested at home a few times beforehand, which originally I said I was not going to do. But in my heart, I needed to be mentally prepared for that news. When my nurse called, I did not cry. I was upset, but I had done my crying the days prior. I was ready to move on by this point. And I was happy to get a small break from the Lovenox to let my belly heal.

So today is CD3. AGAIN. It’s the same old song & dance, isn’t it? I wonder how many cycle day 3’s I’ve had since I started TTC? Surely there have been a lot.

I visited with my RE yesterday for a follow-up & to get a gameplan for the future. It seems like just yesterday when I was walking into their office¬†for the first time, but over 4 months have come and gone. My next monitored cycle will happen in February, with the commencement of bcp’s after my January AF (menstrual cycle). If we want to, we can try naturally this month while we’re on vacation (mmm vacation sex), but that means dragging along the bag of goodies (progesterone, lovenox, etc).¬† As always,¬†we’ll continue patience & see what the future holds.

 

 

 

4th of July, 10dpo & BFN

First the formalities. Happy 4th of July / Independence Day, America. Its a great country, even though we clearly have our share of issues. I celebrated my day at a cookout and pool party at my husband’s aunt and uncles. The weather was insanely hot and humid, so the pool was a welcomed relief.

This morning, however, I decided since I was 10dpo and had a few hours alone, i would test. Major FAIL. I had smuggled 1 dollar store test in my suitcase, along with pads & my Lovenox. So I was prepared for either a BFP or a BFN. Shocker it was a BFN, right? Am I surprised? Of course not. It really feels like my body can no longer get pregnant. We did everything perfectly this time. We were calm, had fun, didn’t worry about anything. And still not pregnancy.

It used to be so easy for me to get pregnant. In fact, when I started round 2 (with my 2nd awesome husband) everyone was so sure I’d be pregnant in no time. I knew they were all wrong. I’ve been off any kind of contraception for over a year now. Something is wrong.

My new OB GYN appointment is on the 13th, and I also have a phone consult on the 12th (thanks for a dear friend of mine) with a renowned RE. I’m praying this goes well & I get some insight soon before I flip my lid.

I know 10dpo is technically early, but this just feels like another failed cycle. For those who read, please continue the support. I really appreciate it & it keeps me going.

Until next time…

5dpo + busy days ahead

I have made it to 5dpo without already going insane. {Insert cheering}¬† What’s more, my thermometer is staying home during our little trip coming up. Its going to be TOUGH having no clue what’s going on with my temps, but it will also be a relief to not have that number staring at me each morning at 0700. BBT and charting is a great tool for TTC, and I am an advocate… Yet, I feel this is a well deserved break for me from TTC rat race.

Since everyone and their brother is discussing the weather, I’ll throw in my 2 cents and state the obvious as well. Its hot as hell. There. That’s taken care of.

So my husband got promoted today…outdoors…in the 107 degree heat. (Bad move).¬† Luckily, I decided last minute to wear a sundress. (Smart move). I’m very proud of him and what he’s accomplished. Today, I am thankful for my husband and his ability to provide so well for our family.

I hope everyone has a fun & safe holiday. I’ll be enjoying myself and cooling off a bit from this heat wave, while refraining from obsessing about my 2WW (2 week wait).

Til next time…

CD17 & family

First off, a special hello and thank you to my new & old subscribers. It touches my heart to have you follow me in my life path.

My husband came home Friday & this time, distance definitely made the grow fonder. I used to say, “distance makes the heart grow fungus…” I think mini breaks from your spouse are usually beneficial. Its the long breaks that tend to cultivate the fungus.

Life has been somewhat relaxed lately, especially in the TTC world. I’ve just been over it. On Saturday, we will pack our bags (and pets) and head out to visit family for a little less than 2 weeks. Its going to be hot as hades around here, so it’ll be a nice break.

Spending time away from responsibilities and relaxing is what we need. No thinking about TTC will be allowed!

I have my 2nd opinion / consult with the new OB/GYN the week we arrive home. I’m looking forward to this. I sometimes feel like an elderly person who looks forward to their weekly outings to the doctors. {Insert chuckle} I’m still considering the LAP (laprascopy), but the timing of the surgery will prove to be difficult.

I’m CD17 today and think I ovulated. We’ll see what tomorrow’s temperature brings, then I’ll be stashing the BBT in the night stand once again. Please, wish me luck and send good vibes.

XO

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